Forgiveness: Our Key to Personal Freedom and Wellness

As a young girl, I did not know anything about forgiveness. Instead, saying you were sorry for something you said or did is supposed to be a sincere form of change. However, over time, that word held no value to me. There never was any change. It wasn't until I became a Christian in my late twenties that I learned the meaning and importance of forgiveness. As I matured in understanding my faith, forgiveness became essential in building my family relationships. I could not allow the disappointments and the hurt I experienced while growing up to define me as it once had.

We are created with uniqueness and with purpose. I matter. You matter!

We live in a world where sin and imperfection exist, and individuals are not immune to making mistakes and causing harm. Disappointments and hurts are inevitable. We must understand that.

Situations may occur where forgiveness does not happen quickly. Broken Trust. Pain and loss run deep into your core. Life is not the same. You are not the same. As difficult as it may be, it is important to remember that forgiveness is not about excusing one's behavior. Instead, forgiveness is about freeing ourselves from the anger, pain, and resentment often accompanying betrayal of trust, pain, and abuse.

Some things to consider when forgiveness feels difficult:

1. Acknowledge the Hurt: Anger, sadness, and hurt are natural feelings. We are not to deny or suppress them but rather acknowledge them. Doing so will help us experience our feelings without judgment, and this process will help us heal. This must be the first step before we consider forgiveness.

2. Understand that forgiveness is not condoning: Forgiving someone does not mean we condone what they did or forget the wrongs they have done to us. Forgiveness is about letting go of the control that pain and resentment can have over our lives. It is a way of choosing peace and emotional freedom, even if the situation doesn't change.

3. Empathy and Perspective: We must try to see the situation from the other person's perspective, as this can help us understand their actions. This doesn't excuse their behavior, but it can allow us to approach forgiveness with compassion and understand that people often act out of their pain or misunderstanding.

4. Forgiveness is for Us, not Them: Holding onto anger and resentment may harm our mental and physical health. 

5. Time and Healing: Forgiveness and healing can often take time. They are not linear processes. Forgiveness can also be processed in stages, with the first stage being to forgive the act and then to forgive the person. We must be patient with ourselves as we work through the healing process.

6. Setting Boundaries: Forgiveness doesn’t mean maintaining a relationship with someone who continues to hurt us. We must set healthy boundaries to protect ourselves from future harm as we work to release negative emotions associated with past events. 

7. Seek Support: At times, we may need to consider intervention. We may need to talk with a trusted friend or counselor. They can help provide clarity and help us navigate our complex emotions.

Although forgiveness isn't always easy and doesn't always happen immediately, it is a personal journey, and it is okay to take one step at a time.